If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
