i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
