Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My feet surprised me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
