I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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