I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
