A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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