I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
