You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
