I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
