Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
