That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
