It's Friday. Sex?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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