How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
