Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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