Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
