Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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