Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
