Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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