I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
