I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
