I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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