Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drake has all the answers
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
