wanna go halves on a baby?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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