There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
