Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
