I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
