I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
