Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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