he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
