Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
