and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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