I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
