I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
