I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
