shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
