I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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