His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
