my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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