My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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