I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
