return my video game
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
