Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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