she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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