shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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