between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
