no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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