I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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