Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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