Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
