Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
