I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
