that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
