you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
