I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
