apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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