I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
