Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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