Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
