He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
