Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
