I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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